Sojourner

I've been avoiding pen and paper.

Everytime I try to write down what I think would be lyrics, I write something else instead.  And though it comes from my heart, it isn't meant to be shared just yet.

But my hand itches and I have to write.

And I don't want to write because it scares me.

So I distract myself by concentrating on others.  

Mirror and Hollywood are going to talk.

I hope it'll work because he so very much needs it to.

After everything that's happened the last few weeks, it's silly to think that paper is the scariest thing I face right now, isn't it?

I was working through my closet, looking at my black dresses when I got another response on the whole Miriam is/isn't a Seer/Evil/Troublesome deal from Felix.  Apparently in my latest response, my time is off.  Living in 25 timelines in the last two months or so will do that to a person.

When I shared your words with Miriam, because they did not match what she told me, her response was:
( Read more... )

"It's so hard being a Mastermind!" I sipped my soda as I tried to think of yet another way to hone in on what I was trying to say....

My first attempt:

That didn’t go anywhere near the way I thought it would. Which I guess is a good thing. No, it’s a very good thing.  I’m completely in my own way right now and it’s sort of making me crazy.

I guess after the last few weeks, going crazy may be a relief.

 

If things were going to change, I wanted to be ready for them and I don’t want to regret anything along the way.  So once I returned from the Spire and did some work with Keri, I called Tripp and invited him over for coffee.  Only as I spoke did I realize it was midnight, which probably wasn’t really coffee time, but he agreed to come and visit. It was his house after all.

Flowing Azure rubbed my back as we entered my room in the Spire and I could feel my symptoms alleviate.  The advantage of having a Thyrsus for an apprentice is a ready supply of comfort and warmth.  His eyes were kind as he hugged me gently and bade me good night.

 

I decided that hovering wasn’t going to help.  This would be the first and maybe only time I come to see him this week.   Watching him lie so still just tugs at me.  I feel so much every time I cross the threshold into his room.  The impersonal medical equipment in his room looked entirely out of place.  There was a slight hum in the room, the sound of electricity behind the beeps of the machine that sang his heartbeat.

Sojourner did not like this.

She didn't share that opinion because she knew why this had to happen.  She could see the tapestry, more like a Sari to her than anything else with it's silken strands shimmering in her preternatural sight.  She could see the intersections of Fate like jewels in a shimmery pattern, this Event was inevitable.  She knew that, it didn't mean she liked it.

Boris stands to one side of the room, his arms crossed on his chest, his feet at shoulder width, and his expression one of studied neutrality. It is obvious to anyone that has known him for any period that he is watching the scene in both physical and supernal terms, carefully monitoring things to step in and counteracts anything that would damage the Veil.

Schmiede watched Eric...

/No, not Eric. Hollywood now./

Hollywood stared at the sky for a few moments. "I want you to stay. With me"

From where he stood, the world looked plastic, fake, like you would
see in a movie or a comic book.  

It all went wrong so quickly.

One moment we were fine and saying hello to everyone and the next, Keri pulled out her gun and shot the woman who walked into the room.  I knew she didn’t know what she was doing. I knew instantly that Cameron was to blame. But the first thought in my head was, ‘Oh Lakshmi, no. Not now.’  I jumped in front of her…and was immediate covered with blood.  Hollywood’s bodyguard Mirror held a smoking gun as she approached Keri's wounded body.

"If she draws a gun again, kill her."  Hollywood commanded his bodyguard Mirror.

What?

“What!?” I yelled…but was immediately distracted by a hundred and one things going on, the most important of which was Keri pulling another side arm and shooting the innocent woman again. 

I’ve never felt so useless.

I was supposed to be helping Keri, teaching her how to let go of the violence and to reclaim her Wisdom. Instead, I’ve somehow managed to forget that Guardians will have their way.  I didn’t think to look for subliminal triggers.  Of course she’d shoot at the first stranger who approaches the gathering.  Trip said that it felt like all strangers were Seers. And with Cameron’s ‘shoot all Seers on sight’ command… disaster.

After what happened with her and Aubrey?  Watching her sob and shudder under the weight of her actions, it broke my heart.  I’d promised her a long time ago that I wouldn’t let her be used like this and I failed to keep that promise.  I did what I could for her at the moment.  I used an ability of mine I rarely used to make her see everything with perfect clarity.  To show her her fullest potential and to show her that she can be healed and she can be helped.

She also asked me if I could make it as if her Awakening had never happened.  I told her I couldn’t.

But Hollywood said something different.

He’s going to change her Destiny. I’m not sure of how I feel about that.  But when I see the pain Keri is in and when I watch her beg for help...

When I see what has been done to make Keri into a weapon, I can’t even see straight. 

I hate the idea of doing something so enormous as to change who and what she is.  Yet, if she continues as she’s doing now..she can’t be helped.

I hope she comes to understand what she has asked for and that she won’t hate us for this.

I've failed her too many times already.

It’s very quiet here.  Which is odd because one always thinks of a business skyscraper as a place full of hustle and bustle, people in suits and reputations walking to and fro.  Distracted even as they’re focused.  But the suite up here in the Queen Building is quiet.

 

I love the time and in between
the calm inside me
in the space where I can breathe
I believe there is a
distance I have wandered
to touch upon the years of
reaching out and reaching in

- Sarah McLachlan "Elsewhere"

 

ooc: A quick and gentle reminder that the contents in this LJ are not written in character. They're just the ic reflections of my character's thoughts and such. 

When I landed at Hartsfield International Airport, I ended up staying there for hours. I came up the escalator from the concourse trains and at top was the familiar sight of the USO.  A few people there recognized me, but not as Sojourner.  From time to time, I like to schedule my time with the USO so I can welcome the troops coming home from their missions.  It's spiritually renewing for me.  Here are people who fight in battles to save the world everyday and they don't even get to use magic.  It's the best of humanity spawned from the worst of it.

There's hope there. And I find it inspiring.

But inspiration isn't strength.  I still wasn't ready to go home yet. So I asked Hollywood if I could visit and he said yes. (Keri will kill me once she realizes I'm back in town but I don't have her bodyguarding me..)  So I went and I'm glad I did.

Seeing the Pentacle come together to overcome a foe is also inspiring to me.  Watching Floating Azure (my new apprentice!) fight with heart and soul against the darkness and temptation was inspiring.  He's a Tamer of Rivers and is calm, heartfelt, and steady.  A wonderful addition to the Vox Draconis.  Even when I tried to do everything I could to make him prepared for what would be an enormous challenge, he took the time to pull me aside and thank me, give me words of comfort, and had a true sweetness that I didn't realize I needed.  In many ways, I need him far more than he'll ever need me... but there's something in him that has such strength. It's something I think I have on occasion and I hope that just as I teach him how to become a better Ladder, he'll teach me how to remember to be strong. He's wonderful.

As for Hollywood, I'm not sure of what to think.  He is Acanthus, which tells everything and nothing about him.  I like him, he's quite interesting.  I intend to be very careful around him, though.  I have a bad habit of losing friends, especially new ones.

Oh yes, mental note... get Floating Azure in touch with Skeleton Key... Or.. both into my house.. yes, it's almost time to go home.  Not only my past, but my future is there.

And now comes the waiting.  Preparations are being made. Plans are being constructed and re-constructed.  Everyone moves with purpose. It's inspiring even as it scares me.  What is the price of one life? And how could any of us live with ourselves if we all didn't throw ourselves against the odds to try to save that one life?

The last forty-eight hours have been strange.  I'm used to strange, honestly.  I've never been attacked in a dream before..but I can't say I'm surprised.  It probably would have gone better had I not been...intoxicated.  I don't regret it though.. I've been very tightly wound for a long time. It's just been like a slow knot gathering until the thread is pull tight.  Occasionally I choke on it.  Sometimes, I'm able to slip it off..

Destiny has pretty much abandoned me.  I don't look to fate to figure out my own place in it.  I don't strain to hear Lakshmi's soft voice on the wind.  I know that I have become a simple tool to do her bidding and tools simply act when applied to their task.  She is a gentle master, yes. But master, none the less.

Though sometimes I feel the stirring of other gods in the breeze.  Ganesh with his child-like kindness hands me trinkets even as he has oblivion hidden in a pocket somewhere.  A calm, wonderful, carefree night with someone who could be come dear... it is not Fate that is fickle. It is the whim of the Gods who play with the fabric of our lives.

Another shining jewel on the sari I wear. I will hold it close and treasure it as I treasure so many others. And on the near day I am finally at rest, I will be able to set those jewels in the firmament and make the heavens all the more richer because of it.

But first thing's first... we must save Sunny.